How to create value in a relationship.

Most women place so much importance and attention on their body making it looks like all they got is their body, it gets to the stage where it looks like that’s the only value they have while there are many value women have.
Most men place so much importance on their strength, money or their income making it looks like that’s all they can offer in marriage or relationship.
Some see sex as a reward for good deed that men do for them.
The mindset of some of these women have made some men to expect nothing more than sex when they have or about to help women.
Instead of using your body/sex as the only means of exchange why not create other values?

Many have been asking how they can create value, considering the high rate of mispriority among us, putting unimportant thing first is the lifestyle of people who has no value.

Guidelines for creating value.
[1] To create value, one has to place the important thing first, anything that attracts much attention of people from different class and background has value. To create value is to pay more attention to the things you do or have.
If you really want to make yourself valuable then you need to pay more attention to yourself, this principle of paying attention to yourself can work in business, relationship, marriage or production of any commodity, it implies that you need to pay attention to those things first.
paying attention to your marriage and relationship is the first step to creating value in it because from paying attention you will be able to identify what is needed in the relationship and a way to provide.

[2] Brainstorming: This is the second stage of creating value in a relationship, at this stage you need to think and gather ideas from different places for personal analysis, ask questions from reliable source to clear your doubts, quest and to get opinions or alternative to the challenges or difficulties you discovered by paying attention to your relationship.

[3] problem solving skills: At this stage, solving problems without complications should be the goal. No one leaves any relationship that solves their problems, that is why most people still hook around an abusive relationship even when their life is at stake, they think of their needs and what they stand to lose if they go, once there is no other means of solving such problem they still stay.
Men also don’t leave women who have the ability to solve some of the problems they can’t solve even when the feeling is not there, the fact that you solve problem at ease makes them to always come back to you crawling.

[4] Build yourself and be Updated: You should not remain stagnant, you need to upgrade yourself, find something new doing, develop a new goal and work towards it, make yourself busy with the things you love and be good at it, ensure it contribute and has a positive impacts in your relationship. you don’t need to be same person with same style every time.

[5] Accept change and Adapt: Change is constant and having this mindset will help you not to be taken unaware, people must not be you and you must not be them so adapting with the consideration of your mental health is the key. Once you have accepted the changes and adapt to them then you should go back to stage one which is paying attention, from there you start all over.

Signs of an Abusive Relationship and a way out

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” JK ROWLING, Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix (2003)

Love must start…
Compatibility is the key of a good and everlasting companionship. Coexisting in harmony is a sign to level up a deeper relationship. Marrying someone is the result of love for one another.

In this Generation Z, many married couples are prone to divorce due to infidelity, money issues, and the like. Is it true that they are falling out of love? What is the root cause of the problem? What are the signs? Is there a way out? How to manage from a toxic relationship to a healthy relationship? Does LOVE REALLY HURT?

Indifference is negligence of interest to care for someone else. You no longer want to sacrifice for the sake of others. It creates an incalculable, intangible pain that destroys someone’s heart for a long period of time. Carelessness ruins. Desolation follows.

Here are some nasty signs of an Abusive Relationship that couples undergo when they get bored and stressed:

Manipulating
It is a behaviour of controlling someone’s actions and emotions using deceitful tactics in order to get what they want. You are being forced to do something because they will put a “guilt” inside of you.
Dealing with a puppeteer/manipulator is dangerous because they exploit you whether it be financially, emotionally, socially etc

Yelling
Raising of voice is an indication of anger directly or indirectly to someone whom you can easily defeat. It is barking at the wrong tree.

People commonly use shouting as a gateway to release tension and stress. It is normal to shout occasionally but regular disagreements intensified in shouting turns to be unhealthy.
A bawler instills “fear” in his subject to condition the victim’s mind to bow down in his supremacy over him or her.

Bullying
They use derogatory names to insult and tease their partner. This leads to physical bullying like hitting, pushing, kicking etc. They may also vandalize other important things, ruining, hiding and stealing.
A browbeater masks his self-confidence by inflicting intimidation on a weaker individual.

Threatening
To say that you will harm someone or do something unpleasant or unwanted especially in order to make someone do what you want. : to be something that is likely to cause harm to someone (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Giving a statement to cause someone to get harmed, lost, endangered and treated roughly.
This type of emotional abuse must take into consideration the possible facts that will happen in the future. Better to keep evidence or records and try to report it to the authorities. Beware of cowing!

Blaming
To pinpoint the fault to someone for something that happened negatively. The blamer usually takes the role of being the victim.

Silent treatment
Avoiding communication is putting an invisible massive barrier to someone. This creates a misunderstanding.
Whatever the reason is,give a chance for communication between both of you and be ready to accept the consequences if it can help.
Giving a cold shoulder for a long period of time will endanger your relationship. Failure to resolve the issues will end the relationship.

Punishment
It is a rough treatment given to someone who committed a mistake. It is a tool to stop you from doing those unacceptable gestures.
The fault-finders will do everything in their power to control you. For example, If you’ve done something wrong, they will cut off your ATM/Master card.

Isolation
You are locked up in the house without anyone knowing. The captor won’t let you go out of the house alone or use gadgets. A captor is very good at acting to be a good person. He is clever.
You must learn the hand signals for domestic violence.

What to do

Being in an abusive relationship, always remember to know your worth as an individual.

Never ever respond with hatred. Try to be calm when talking to the abuser. Don’t allow yourself to be in a heated argument. Use low tone when communicating to the abuser. He/she will cool down as soon as he recognizes that you are submitting to everything he wants you to do.

Always remember NOT TO ADD FUEL TO THE FLAME.

The abuser won’t allow you to use any devices to alarm your family, relatives, friends or the authorities. He will be there by your side if you need to speak with them. Be alert! It is safe to learn the hand signal for domestic violence. Save some evidence that you are being abused by him or her.

If there is a possibility of escaping, you must do it. Run for your life! Never ever look back.

If you are married, it is not that easy to cut off ties with your spouse. Try to resolve it by pleasing him or her. Pray always. Help him to trust you.

If you can’t handle it yourself, please contact a counsellor to help you deal with resolving your issues. There are professional counselors who will assist you to fix your marriage problems @ www.thesolacezone.com

Does love hurt? NO, it does not. Being indifferent and neglecting your special one’s value is the most heartbreaking way that he/she will ever feel. Never make the one you love feel alone especially when you are right there. Put your feet on your spouse’s shoes before doing anything that makes him/her lonely or unsafe.

Don’t ever endanger someone’s life. You do not have the right to make someone’s value lower than yours. Put in mind that we are all imperfect yet we have the same right to live happily.

Mahatma Gandhi states, “Where there is love, there is life.”

Guide your mental health.

A man was seen having sex with a mad woman, he was arrested and put in the rehabilitation center.

A man said he don’t really know what’s wrong with him, he beats his girlfriend at every little offence.

A little girl said she always believe she is not good enough and will always want to feel among that’s why she agree to any man that asked her out.

Have been conditioned not to stay a day without sex or masturbation and need help by one of our clients?

The above cases is now a solved one with a continuous follow-up,all thanks to our team and staff @ The Confidants Solace Zone.
www.thesolacezone.com

Akanni, a 22-year-old woman who had a mental health crisis following the death of her mother and had been detained in a church in Abeokuta for five months at the time of a March 2019 interview, said: “When my father brought me, I didn’t know that he would leave me here. I was not happy, but I don’t have a choice.”

Sometimes families pay healers to detain their relative at home and take them to a center.
Shums, a 27-year-old man who said he had depression, was taken as he worked on his farm in early 2019, he said;

Two men approached me and asked if they could talk with me. I complied and started walking with them. They jumped on me, handcuffed me, and put shackles on my feet. Then they brought me here [an Islamic rehabilitation center in Kano].

Prolonged stress can cause you mental illnes.

Heartbreaks, financial issues, excessive use of drugs , unbalanced religious life and past experiences or exposure can cause you mental illnes.

Do you want to allow your mental health condition reach to the stage of going to the psychiatric hospital or do you want to be a victim of some major psychological issues.

Many have been unlawfully detained, humiliated,chained and misdiagnosed.

Mental Health in Nigeria

A mental health condition refers to a range of experiences that affect a person’s mood, thinking, and behavior. This includes depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and bipolar condition. It can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, spirituality, sexual orientation, or any other background. The World Health Organization (WHO) says a mental health condition will affect one in four people globally at some point in their lives.

Nigeria has fewer than 300 psychiatrists for an estimated population of over 200 million. Several mental health professionals told Human Rights Watch that quality mental health services are available only to wealthier citizens who can afford it. The lack of quality mental health care and its prohibitive cost often drives people to consult traditional or faith-based healers.

Nigeria’s 1958 Lunacy Act allows the detaining of people with mental health conditions in mental health institutions, even without providing medical or therapeutic treatment. People spend years in institutions – sometimes decades – because Nigeria lacks adequate services to support them in the community. In all but one of the facilities Human Rights Watch visited, people were not allowed to leave or to challenge their detention.

Unlawful Detention

In 27 of 28 facilities Human Rights Watch visited, all residents had been unlawfully detained. They did not enter the facilities voluntarily and could not leave if they wished to do so.

Victor, a 29-year-old Christian man held in an Islamic rehabilitation center in Kano since June 2018, said:

I heard that I would be here only for two weeks at first when I was brought here, then later that changed to one month, then two months. Now I am going on my third month here. Other people here say they were told the same thing, and they ended up staying here for years.

You may be thinking of a way out,the Best way to stop things from happening is to prevent it, an organization is created to help people through Counselling and humanitarian services.

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